Project Eveningland

A Descent into Madness & Thru-Hiking


Funnest Known Time (Day 3)

“We’re breakin’ free.” –Montgomery Scott

2/17/2023 Friday

The promised deluge came last night on schedule.

I had used my Trip-Sense Tent Siting Protocol (patent pending) to choose a well-drained spot, with good leaf ground cover. There were three tents at that shelter area (three people, me among them, who didn’t want to shelter-dwell and were brave enough to set up tents despite a certain, and certainly wet, forecast). Two out of three tents flooded in the night. The leaves under mine were bone dry after two inches of rain. That’s high quality tent siting.

Hiked all day with Mitch, the journeyman HVAC guy. Michigander. Only slightly coarser than me. I blew his mind with my mental math abilities. And talked his ear off about every other thing. But I could tell he was glad of the company. I hadn’t realized that Mitch, AKA “Captain Chaos” is a real gear head. He is also not the least bit chaotic.

People keep looking at my food protocol and expressing admiration. No one is getting much joy out of what they packed, apparently. I don’t know if I’ve seen a single person enjoy a meal. My meals are not fun, but they are also not chili mac that you cook by adding boiling water (usually too much, usually for crunchy pasta). I eat unobjectionable, high calorie foods.

It’s sort of sweet that people treat me like an expert when I’ve only hiked 1/3 of the trail! I choose to use this (very temporary) ethos boost to tell people to TAKE IT SLOW.

When I hiked the top 300 of the Colorado Trail in 2020, I remember having this awful day. I’ve gotta climb a fucking mountain—a real, actual Colorado mountain, mind you—on half a pack of mashed potatoes and some Oreos. I was fucking miserable. This trail runner comes down to get water right by where I’m eating my pathetic pre-mountain lunch. He’s telling me about his mileage and pace in that way that ultra runners do. I tell him I am going for an FKT (which means “fastest known time”) only I say “funnest known time” and it takes his cute little ultra-running-addled brain a half a second to see what I’d done, after which he laughed and laughed. I shared this with Trip, and we turned FKT (funnest known time) into a hiking philosophy. We push out the (s)miles every day. Today my foot felt so fucking normal. I felt like my old self again. I felt joy, which is different from happiness because it has been tempered by sadness. If this thing (my lucky foot) can continue to recover every day, I will finally be in a position to put our philosophy in action. Here is the first principle: it is sublime to be in the position to say or do the exact right thing at the exact right time for someone who really needs it. Hiking well means that you get to do that because you’re not trashed and starving and furious all the time.

I decided to join Mitch and push on for Woody Gap, a 12 mile day. I reserved a bunk at the same hostel where he was planning to stay and we made it together. I got a real second wind at the end and finished strong and happy. Some of the lightness was due to my decision to listen to my body and, in the words of Will Riker, “use the Briar Patch the way Br’er Rabbit did [to shit in, I presume].”

We caught a shuttle with three other (very old!) hikers who were staying at Above the Clouds hostel. Now, about that hostel name. Tomorrow I’m going to tell the manager my last name and ask if he thinks this place is too good for my kind.

The hostel is full because winter temperatures are returning with (thank god!) a little dry weather. I’ve reserved a cabin at Blood Mountain tomorrow night. Will offer to share with Mitch and others if I see them. Currently sitting at the chatty kitchen table of the hostel listening to a very tall, a bit above it all, Brit.

I’m going to add some photos since I have service.

My parents seeing me off
At the first white blaze where the Approach Trail ends and the trail proper begins
Lots of wet rhododendron
The gang at Hawk Mountain on Day 2
Mitch contemplating a creek crossing on Day 3


3 responses to “Funnest Known Time (Day 3)”

  1. Great post, Doug. Loved the pics. Way to stand up for the family name, lol. What did the owner say?? Glad you’re off to a good start. Have fun!!

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    1. Good news: my lame joke got a mild, polite chuckle from all present!

      Like

  2. Hahahaha! Whatever you do, do NOT shit in the briar patch! Brer Rabbit tricked his enemies (Brer Bear and Brer Fox) by making them think it was the last place he wanted to go. They threw him into it and he could escape them.
    Also, Tracy and I had fun laughing at your Cloud joke. Ask her to show you the picture I took of her that is also a Cloud pun.

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About The Blog

I’m Doug Cloud, an inveterate thru-hiker, believer in The One Trail, writer, rhetorician, researcher. This blog catalogs my journeys, particularly my 2023 1500-mile hike on the Appalachian and Colorado Trails. Other journeys may be added. Or not. I go by several mottoes as a thru-hiker:

1. Work the problem.
2. Throw money at the problem.
3. Go for an FKT (funnest known time).
4. ABC (always be thru-hiking).

Subscribe so you don’t miss future journeys! I’m gonna be writing on this thing for, like, 50 years.

Some quick navigation links:
Day 1 of my 2023 AT journey
Last day on the AT
Explanation of switch to Colorado Trail
Day 1 of 2023 Colorado Trail journey